Hard to say, "I'm sorry"

"I have considered the message"

1 Kings 5:8

I had to write an apology note the other day.  I'd gotten together with some friends last week, and had a very slight disagreement with a longtime friend.  I felt bad about an offhand, meant-to-be-funny comment I'd made, and I didn't want it to fester between us, since it will probably be a few months before we see each other again.

And I wanted to write a note, because an email, or a phone call, would call for an immediate response on her part.  I didn't necessarily want her to feel compelled to say, "I'm sorry, too" if she wasn't thinking that.  Or if she felt she had nothing to apologize for.  I just wanted to take it all on me, though I'm not entirely convinced I'm the only one who should apologize, ya know?

And I pondered the wording of the card for a day or so before actually writing it.  I wanted to make sure it was phrased properly.

Here's what I wanted to say: 

"I'm so sorry for the comment I made the other day.  It was just that I have long felt that discussions on that topic were sort of stupid --"

Nope.

"I'm really sorry for what I said the other day.  I was frustrated by the idiotic conversation --"

Nope.

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings when I made that comment, but if you hadn't --"

Nope.

"Sorry for what happened between us the other day.  I've just always had trouble with people who --" 

*sigh...*

And you know what I realized the problem is?  Pride.  I want explain why I said what I said, which is that I wasn't feeling well, or I was tired, or I was provoked or whatever.  None of which really matters to God.  My heart was in the wrong place, and my mouth followed. 

The thank you note I finally wrote included nothing but an apology, and a hope that she knows that I value our friendship.  Justification really only comes from Him anyway.

~ "When pride comes,

    then comes shame;

     But with the humble is wisdom" ~

Proverbs 11:2

~