Remorse, Regret and Repentance

"Go and humble yourself;

plead with your friend"

Proverbs 6:3

I expect to be talking to a friend of mine in the next couple of days.  We haven't talked in awhile.  Not for any particular reason; just busyness and schedules, and the fact that she was out of town for several days. 

But the thing is, the last conversation we had didn't go well.  At least, I think it didn't go well.  We were talking about something going on at church, and she said a couple of things by which I, um, wasn't, um, particularly edified.  How's that for tap dancing?

I don't think she meant it the way she said it, and I talked to the Apple of my Eye about how to respond.  Email is tricky, so he suggested that it would be better if our next conversation were in person.  I didn't see her at church yesterday, so maybe it will be a phone call.  And I've been praying for days about how to respond when we chat.

Do I apologize for what I might have said or done?  I don't think I did anything wrong, but that doesn't mean I didn't.  And even if I didn't, that doesn't mean I shouldn't apologize.  "Other cheek" and all that. 

Or do I just say nothing about it, and go where she leads the conversation?  I'm thinking of going that route, with the goal of not making anything worse. 

And all of this has me thinking about repentance and remorse, and all the different forms it can take.  What does a remorseful heart look like?  What actions should repentance prompt in us? 

We see remorse in lots of places in Scripture.  David remorseful for his actions with Bathsheba.  Esau remorseful for letting his birthright go so easily.  Peter's remorse for denying Jesus.

And then there's Judas.  If ever there was someone in Scripture who should be remorseful, it's Judas.  and Matthew 27 tells us that he was remorseful.  But at what point?  I remember reading someplace that maybe Judas had only wanted the money; he never thought it would go so far, and that Jesus would elude the authorities as He had many times before. 

Verse 3 of Matthew 27 seems to support that, saying, "Judas, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful." 

So he brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood." 

I want to have compassion for Judas.  But the truth is, bringing back the 30 pieces of silver did nothing to right the wrong.  He was only trying to assuage his guilt.

Why didn't he try to stop what he had started?  The authorities had even said to him, "You see to it."  They practically challenged him to take actions of repentance.  Why didn't he go to Pilate and tell him everything he knew about Jesus?  About His innocence? 

Why didn't he try to find Jesus?

Remorse is only the beginning.  Repentance requires actions.  Making something right when we've done something wrong requires humility.  Sometimes humility is the only recourse, even when we haven't done anything wrong. 

What does our sorrow produce?  That's the question.

~ "For godly sorrow 

produces repentance leading to salvation...

but the sorrow of the world produces death" ~

2 Corinthians 7:10

~