Loss, Judgement and Compassion

~ "But You, O Lord, are a God 

    full of compassion, and gracious, 

 longsuffering and abundant

   in mercy and truth" ~

Psalm 86:15

A friend of mine died last week.  She was a beautiful, gifted woman, that I've known for more than 20 years.  They don't know yet how she died.  She was only in her 40s, so her death was unexpected.  That's part of the pain of her death, though death is never easy.

I hadn't seen her in awhile.  We'd both gotten busy; both of us has gotten married and had kids.  Frankly I didn't even think of her very often.  I sort of kept track of her for awhile, through friends, but we didn't have much in common anymore.  I wasn't too fond, unfortunately, of her husband, although to be fair, I didn't know much very well.  But what I did know of him, I didn't like.  But I think he'd been in trouble with the law.  I'm not sure why.  All I know is gossip, so I tried not to take too much to heart.  But I guess that made me disappointed in her judgement.

It was not an easy marriage, from what I heard.  They're divorced now, but they had a beautiful little girl, and I'm thinking about her this week.  I'm not even sure how old she is now.  I'm guessing she's at least into double digits, but maybe even older.  Time flies, and sometimes I can't believe how old my own kids are!

To be honest, I won't miss her that much; she was pretty much out of my life and out of my thoughts already.  But her ex-husband will miss her, I'm sure.  I think sometimes when couples divorce, there's still love there, but not the strength or ability to make the marriage work in light of whatever difficulties they are having.  And I know her daughter will miss her terribly.  Nothing can replace a mother in a growing girl's life.  Or even a grown girl, for that matter... 

And oh, how her mother will miss her.  Her mother, I think, is probably hurting the most.  She's walked with her daughter for forty-plus years.  Through a tumultuous marriage to a man who made wrong choices more than once.   My children aren't even dating yet, but the first time someone breaks their hearts, I don't know how I'll forgive that person.  I think that her mother must have been my friend's everything here on earth.  With a husband here and gone, and a daughter too young to understand life's troubles, she always had her mother to turn to.  And now her mother has to say good-bye.  Sad.

Okay, now the rest of the story.  All of that is not entirely true.  I'm actually talking about Whitney Houston, who died this weekend.  She, of course, was not a friend of mine.   I can't even honestly say I was a fan of hers, but I grew up in the 80s, so I was familiar with her music.  And of course I was amazed at her beautiful voice. 

But then I got out of high school, and pretty much stopped listening to pop music, opting for a local Christian music radio station.  After that, the only time I ever thought about Whitney Houston was when her name was in the news for some untoward behavior.  And when that happened, I shook my head in wonderment and pity at her choices, then forgot about her again.

And when I heard that she died, I reacted much the same way ~ at first.  Then someone on the news mentioned her mother, and I remembered that she was a daughter.  And I thought about her daughter, and I remembered that she was a mother....  And then I stopped thinking about a celebrity who'd made bad choices.  And I stopped judging her. 

I don't know if you have the same trouble ~ the judgmental spirit that I sometimes have.  But if we try to look at someone the way God does, we often see someone differently than we see simply by looking through our own eyes.  So I thought if you and I looked at Whitney Houston as if she were someone we might know, or someone just like us, we might feel less inclined to judge her choices, and more inclined to just pray for her.  And her daughter.  And her mother. 

What it comes down to, is that she was a gifted woman whose life ended too soon, and the people who loved her are hurting. That should invoke in me not judgement, but compassion.

~ "Judge not, that you not be judged" ~

Matthew 7:1