"heal me, for my bones are troubled"
I went to the doctor yesterday. Finally. I've had problems in my neck for a couple of years now: stiffness and tension and an inability to move in certain ways without getting a headache.
But I never bothered to do anything about it. It really only bothered me occasionally, then a few times a week, but I'd use a little heat on it, or take some pain reliever when necessary, so I was managing. I would try to sit in chairs that wouldn't aggravate it, do some stretching exercises a couple of times a week, stuff like that.
Besides, it's a hassle to see a doctor. Making an appointment, going to the appointment, possible insurance struggles.
And of course, there's the cost. I might only have to pay the co-pay, but it might be more complicated than that, and it might be more expensive than that. There might be x-rays, there might be chiropractor visits or physical therapy, blah blah blah ~ it was just all more than I wanted to think about.
In addition, for part of the past few years, the Apple of my Eye was without a permanent job, so we didn't always have insurance. But even after that changed, I chose to live with the problem rather than take the steps to try to alleviate it.
Well, a few weeks ago, I was in a great deal of pain. It only lasted a few days, and then I was back to my normal "little bit" of pain, but I finally thought, "this is ridiculous. I need to get this checked out."
And yesterday, a month after making the call (see? I told you it's a hassle to make an appointment!) I finally got in to see the doctor. I told her the problem, and she said she would refer me to a chiropractor. She also sent me downstairs where I had several x-rays of my neck taken, to make sure there was nothing more serious than just a need for chiropractic adjustments.
And then this morning, I got up and blinked sleepily, as I normally do. I puttered around the house waking up, then saying goodbye to the Apple of my Eye. And then I began the routines of my day. I had breakfast, and started getting a few things done.
But I suddenly noticed, my neck didn't feel any better. I could still feel that it was stiff. I could still tell that if I turned my head the wrong way, it was going to result in a headache, and I started trying to do a few stretches to loosen things up. And for just a moment, I was confused. Why was my neck still bothering me?
Until I realized, a second later, that really, nothing had been done yet, to solve the problem. I talked to a doctor, and had pictures taken. That's it. Before I can expect any improvement:
* the doctor/radiologist needs to look at the x-rays, and decide that in fact, I need to see a chiropractor
* the doctor needs to tell the insurance company I need to see a chiropractor
* the insurance company needs to give approval
* the chiropractor needs to be notified that they have a new patient
* the chiropractor needs to contact me
* I need to make an appointment
* I need to go to the chiropractor and tell him/her what my problems are ~ well, the ones having to do with my neck, anyway
When all of that is done, the chiropractor can then start to ease my pain.
Now hopefully, all of that will take a couple of weeks or less. But regardless, it was silly of me to expect any change when I got up this morning. I did finally decide to do something about the problem, but deciding that something needed to change was only the first step.
They say that admitting you have a problem is half the battle, but I don't always think that's true. For some people, I'm sure it is. But often, there is still waaay more battle left to fight, once you've decided to fight.
It's important to note that I'm talking here about a chosen battle. Some trials leave us no choice. But others we undertake voluntarily, to try to improve something about ourselves, or our lives, that's not as it should be. Those are sometimes the battles that are the hardest to fight, because we can choose not to. Or we can back out any time we are weak.
We are eight days into the New Year, and whether you believe in making resolutions or not, you can't help but feel that sense of newness.
Perhaps you made a decision a week ago to fight a battle to make a change in your life. For many of us, we don't need January 1 to compel us to bring some part of our lives into obedience. But the decision isn't the victory. The decision is only step one. Victory probably won't come the next morning, and it might be very far off.
Hang in there. He led you to the decision; let Him lead you to the victory.
~ "you have need of endurance,
so that after you have done the will of God,
you may receive the promise" ~